Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Who died my cat blue again?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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