AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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