Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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