i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Randomize
