at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
