New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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