At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going