did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
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I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
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Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?