we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
