We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
