Barsexuality is the new black.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
