She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize