I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
