It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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