Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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