Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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