turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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