I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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