Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
