Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Randomize
