3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
