I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
