What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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