It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
We left an ass print on the piano.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
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