I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
She bit a glass in half.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
