i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
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