How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
