I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
The struggles of a small town man whore
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
