they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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