Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
