Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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