his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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