omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
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