My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Randomize
