I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
