i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
