You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
