Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
