Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Don't make out with my wife yet
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
