I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
