I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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