i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
