My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
