My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
