When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
