I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
