just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dignity is for republicans.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize