Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
