She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
