i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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