2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Randomize
