he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
