Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
