I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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