After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
You ate ashes out of my bong
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
