I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
