I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
