Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I checked into jail on foursquare
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Randomize
