he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
