you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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