I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Randomize
