i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
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