i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Don't make out with my wife yet
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
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