i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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