Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
