Non-Jews are for practice
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Randomize
