At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
